YOU’RE IN A RAW MENTAL STATE BUT CAN’T TAKE LEAVE? SHORT-TERM RELIEF AHEAD.
Working while emotionally vulnerable is a complex path to navigate.
The complexity especially compounds when you don’t have access to valuable resources like mental health days or mental health leaves which can be especially distressing.
Here’s a few ideas of what to explore in the short-term:
Find a home for the things you’re misplacing. Constantly fumbling for your keys? Or maybe it’s your garage door opener. No matter what it is, invest in a cheap home for your item. Set a goal to get the object into its home for a day, then 3 days straight, then 5 days, and so on until you notice a hint of emotional weight has been lifted. These micro stressors can really clutter your headspace.
Manage the energy around you. And I don’t just mean with yourself or the people in your immediate circle! I’m talking about the people and places you choose as service providers for your mundane chores. Example? When I was down for the count, I found so much joy talking to the owner of my local dry cleaners. Even though there were more options around me, I chose Susie every time not only because she did a great job, but because her family stories brightened my day. I try to make it a habit to build community with more Susie’s, regardless of the service I’m paying for.
Learn how to communicate your needs. When we’re in a raw state we can usually get stuck in the sharing (or withholding) feelings cycle and get lost converting the feeling into an expressed need. The best resource I’ve found to get better at articulating personal needs and understanding others’ is the book Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Check it out if you need an assist!
Set boundaries. Learn to say no with grace when you feel overwhelmed. This is a great way to reduce unnecessary stress. Empower yourself to boldly protect your energy from obligations that deplete you the most.
Clarify your support network. Pay attention to the responses you receive when sharing your feelings or experiences. If there are people consistently listening to you, guiding you with love as you request advice, and creating an environment of mutual respect – upgrade them to your priority support network. Conversely, if there are people that argue with you more than they seek to understand you, it’s time for a downgrade (you get to decide if that’s permanent or temporary).
Design personal care systems of continuity. It’s a fancy way for me to say self-care because I hate the phrase self-care. For me, there’s something so patronizing when you’re wading through vulnerability and the primary response you receive is practice self-care. Despite the validity of the guidance, it also feels incredibly shallow. So instead, I offer you to think of little, medium, and large ways you can create a feeling of rest on a planned basis. Pair a routinely stressful moment, with a rest reward. For example, hate delivering big presentations but it’s part of your job? Perhaps you reserve the hour directly after your presentation to decompress in a dark room with light music on. It trains your mind and body to trust that when you overuse energy you prioritize replenishment, too.
Explore community resources. Investigate local community resources that offer mental health support at little to no cost. Non-profit organizations, community clinics, or helplines may provide counseling, therapy, or support groups that could be beneficial to you.
Assess flexible work arrangements. Inquire if your workplace has any flexible work arrangements or policies in place that could help alleviate some of the stressors you're experiencing. This could include options like remote work, adjusted hours, reduced workload, or temporary job sharing. Only do this when you’ve really thought about what you need so you can be specific with your request. Lean on a trusted friend or therapist to prepare for this conversation so you feel empowered to ask the most impactful questions to get the answers you need.
Discuss potential accommodations with your manager. Only do this if you genuinely trust your manager. Regardless of how many times your employer or manager might claim that they are a mental health advocate, really ask yourself if their behavior is in alignment with that message. If you are fully confident in their care, then proceed to confidentially discuss your options. Limit the amount of details you share, but offer abbreviated insight into the difficulties you're facing with a few initial ideas on what might provide relief. For example, if you’re having trouble focusing in the morning but are noticing you’re most productive in the afternoon, ask if you can have a later start with a later wrap time. Make it easy for them to say yes by being brief with the problem, and specific with the solution. They might surprise you with some helpful ideas, too!
